"I don't see how I can just make up my mind to be happy and successful; and suddenly, magically, I will be. That seems to me to be a denial of my reality. My life is a mess. I am not happy. My life is not a success." she wrote.
She was replying to my email response to her first inquiry. She had written to ask how I could write (in a previous article in this eZine) that if you wanted to be happy, you just had to choose to be happy. I had replied, in my first email, that how we felt about ourselves and our life was entirely within our control; and once we had decided to change how we felt, thought and believed, the circumstances and conditions of our lives would change to meet our new expectations.
This conundrum is surely the 'catch-22' of self-improvement. You must both accept the reality of where you are at and, at the same time, deny its ultimate veracity in order to create a new, bigger and better, reality.
Now, I am not saying you should go into denial about the facts of your life. That's a huge mistake. Many people attempt to live with their shortcomings, failures and addictions by being in denial and it does not work. Nothing gets any better that way. Often it gets even worse.
Many people also attempt to change their life by muttering some affirmation like "I am happy, healthy, wealthy and wise," in a blind attempt to convince themselves that they are not unhappy, unhealthy, impoverished and foolish. This does not work too well either.
I am not suggesting that affirmations are not useful. They can be a very powerful tool and, used properly, they can be a big help in changing your predominant thought patterns, your core beliefs and your basic emotional outlook on life.
However, it is necessary, if we wish to improve our lot in life, to first face and accept that we have certain core beliefs, predominant thought patterns and basic emotions attitudes. Then, we also must accept that it is these very beliefs, thoughts and emotions that have created the reality that we now have in our lives.
Then, we must decide to adopt new, improved, intentional ways of believing, thinking and feeling in order to create the new reality we have idealized and desired for ourselves. This is not denial. It is the acceptance of our co-creative abilities; and, the acceptance our freedom to choose what and how to think, believe and feel. It is the taking on of the responsibility for one's life, as it is, and as it could be.
It is the facing and accepting of the truth that we cannot blame the conditions and circumstances of our present life for how we feel, how and what we think, what we believe. It is the facing and accepting of the truth that how we have been feeling, how and what we have been thinking, what we have been believing has actually contributed to the conditions and circumstances of our lives.
What we have is a result of what we have done. What we have done is a result of how we have been. How we have been is a result of how we have felt, thought and believed about ourselves and about life as a whole.
If you want to change or improve what you have in life (the conditions, circumstances--the effects), you must address the cause. You have the power to consciously and intentionally choose your feelings, your thoughts and your beliefs. These are the cause of your happiness and success because they control how you act or react, what you do or don't do and it is what you enact, moment-by-moment, that produces the results you get to have day-to-day.
Yes, it is tough work. However, it is not as tough as living an unhappy and unsuccessful life. Why continue to do so just because you are habituated to doing so?
So, it is not about denying the reality of how life has been until now; it is about seeing and accepting that there is a greater reality in how you choose life will be from now on. Focus your vision on the ideal. Affirm its reality. Feel its reality. Believe in its reality. Act accordingly. Don't be surprised when it turns out to be just the way you imagined it to be.
© Leslie Fieger. All rights reserved worldwide.
Leslie is the author of The DELFIN Knowledge System Trilogy: The Initiation, The Journey and The Quest plus many more success publications. He also the co-author of The End of the World with Hugh Jeffries and Alexandra's DragonFire with his daughter Ashley. Subscribe to his free and ad-free eZine at http://www.ProsperityParadigm.com or http://www.LeslieFieger.com.
Reprinting and republishing of this article is granted only with the above credit included. Permission to reprint or republish does not waive any copyright.
Imagine stepping into the gym for the first time in... Read More
Do you know an individual at work who is a... Read More
A large percentage of business are stuck, tied to narrow... Read More
It never ceases to amaze me that every time I... Read More
I saw a couple for marriage counseling this week, and... Read More
In principle, we don't want to give up coaching employees.... Read More
Never understimate the power of a well-written word. Tens of... Read More
Viewpoints! Everyone has them and they are personal. However, when... Read More
For adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), details are a... Read More
Be conscious, aware, and alert. Pay attention. Remember when you... Read More
Most of us know that assertiveness will get you further... Read More
My name is Steve Brummet and my business is to... Read More
Perhaps no one better than a former U.S. president has... Read More
As the last day of school arrives I feel the... Read More
While working with a client several months ago, we went... Read More
In my work with individuals and couples, I see many... Read More
When coaching, it's all about the client, be that as... Read More
People of two opposing ideas can stir up arguments and... Read More
How Do You Learn Something New?If you could learn fast... Read More
God must love Top Ten lists because she made so... Read More
Preparation: If you desire advertising the group, announcements need to... Read More
Recently, when out to dinner with another couple, my husband... Read More
You can either choose to dwell on what happened and... Read More
Many people use their sofa and TV to help them... Read More
How many times have you agreed to do something that... Read More
We all put off making decisions and taking action sometimes... Read More
Being a coach is such a rewarding profession. The enormous... Read More
I'm a relationship coach and, unlike most, I deal with... Read More
As a person who has been around the coaching profession... Read More
Where I live there seems to be a a growing... Read More
People of two opposing ideas can stir up arguments and... Read More
Having a mentor can mean the difference between success and... Read More
Online counseling may be the latest and greatest improvement in... Read More
1. Learn About YouIf you don't know who you are... Read More
My name is Greg Ryan. For the last twenty years... Read More
Have you ever thought about what really creates self-esteem? Having... Read More
I wrote you about four years ago, when my eight... Read More
Remember that Coke contest from the 80s? If you collected... Read More
Are you looking for someone who will hold you accountable... Read More
Helen Keller once remarked that there was one thing she... Read More
Signs of Self-ConfidenceLet's explore the meaning of self-confidence by taking... Read More
For adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), details are a... Read More
For most of her fifty years, Barbara was at war... Read More
I have often heard motivational speakers say that the word... Read More
A few weeks ago at a "Leadership from the Ground... Read More
In our daily lives as well as in our businesses,... Read More
We say we want to eat better, feel better, and... Read More
A recent study at the University of Florida found that... Read More
The battle at Gettysburg is one of the most notable... Read More
"The meaning of life is that it stops." -Franz Kafka... Read More
Coaching Coaching |